


Hopeless

by Leor_Ataraxia



Series: Too late to try [3]
Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians & Related Fandoms - All Media Types, The Heroes of Olympus - Rick Riordan, The Trials of Apollo - Rick Riordan
Genre: Angst, Depression, Gen, Minor Nico di Angelo/Will Solace, Post-The Burning Maze (Trials of Apollo), Prompt: Low Self-Esteem, Self-Esteem Issues, Sleep disorders, mentions of eating disorders
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-20
Updated: 2020-10-20
Packaged: 2021-03-09 00:23:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 856
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27125161
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Leor_Ataraxia/pseuds/Leor_Ataraxia
Summary: Nico learned the truth about Jason too late, and now, he is nothing but hopeless.
Relationships: Nico di Angelo & Jason Grace
Series: Too late to try [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1979878
Kudos: 19
Collections: Banned Banned Together Bingo 2020, Banned Together Bingo 2020





	Hopeless

**Author's Note:**

> English is my second language, sorry for any mistakes!
> 
> WARNING: The next work involves themes like depression, if that could be a trigger for you, please do not continue reading.

When Nico opened his eyes for the fifth time, he knew it was hopeless.

He was between to states: insomnia where he would just stare at the ceiling, in the hopes that at some point after twenty hours without sleep he will finally be done, or actually sleeping for who knows how long.

Nico preferred the second, since at least there was the possibility of a lack of dreams that would be as much internal peace as he could get; but looks like Nico’s was out of luck right now.

As usual.

For a moment, he wondered if Will had tried to barge in; while he understood that Nico didn’t exactly try to stay awake or sleep too much, he had tried to make him go back to a regular schedule out of concern for his help. And for that, the son of Hades had put an actual lock in his side of the door, just in case Will asked Connor to force the door from their side.

Nico appreciated Will, but he wondered how the doctor of the Camp was so clueless about mental health.

“ _And you can wonder how a son of Hades couldn’t understand suffering in plain sight, but you still didn’t right?_ ” a voice whispers, and Nico feels like crying for the millionth time. It never felt like enough since he knew.

He could guess how it was, those countless times alone in the praetor Villa, at the Zeus Cabin, in his school in California. Just no matter when he went, he would be overlooked, with people who never try to look past his title or looks, and never try to understand him.

“ _Just like you_ ”

Nico was so stupid; you would think he would understand how to see self-loathing after years of being the only thing he did when he was alone, and yet he had his head so far up to his own ass he didn’t bother to think maybe he wasn’t the only one suffering. Granted, it makes sense he did not notice during the War with all the stress going on; but after they won, what was his excuse? How come he never even consider that his best friend may have been in pain?

“ _Because I did what everybody else did, gods, I call him golden boy, golden boy for Hades' sake! And he still continued to try to be my friend after I just assumed who he was, like the people at the legion!_ ”

Because despite all his troubles, there was no doubt Jason had a good heart; it didn’t matter how much he was hurting, he wanted to help others, probably out of concern, of the wish that people didn’t live the same way he was living, because it was the only thing he knew.

It was so fucking unfair, Jason dedicated his entire life to the gods, to others, was ready to give his life for the mission without a doubt; and what he got out of that? Oh yeah! Nobody bothering to look out of him, to even wonder if after being abandoned by his mother at the age of two, being raised in an army and being ready to die at any second, fight in two wars at the age of sixteen, and lose a close friend could mean maybe he needed help?

…When you put it like that, Nico felt _really_ stupid.

“ _I could have helped,_ ” he thought for himself, a phrase that had been hanging around his head a lot these past few days. “ _If I had been there for him, I may-”_

 _“You really think so?”_ That voice interrupts again, that one from his doubts, edging him at any opportunity “ _You couldn’t help yourself, or Bianca for that matter_ ” he winces at that, and he could almost imagine that part of him laughing “ _Had you forgotten? You were so bothersome your sister run away at the first chance she had, because you are that bothersome_ ”

“ _I’m not that kid anymore-_ ”

“ _And yet Jason still got away from you, correct?”_ Despite the pause, Nico does not answer that “ _He did not consider asking you for help, probably because he knew it was hopeless. You could not help yourself, not your sister, or him. Just accept it, at best you are useless, and at worst an actual problem. Stop pretending otherwise_ ”

Nico couldn’t help but agree with his internal voice.

Who he was kidding? He has been nothing but trouble, his own existence was part of the reason his mother died, and since then life has proven multiple times that he only created trouble, or was present at them.

Is not like he could blame Jason for not trusting in him, who would? Not only he insulted him and overlooked him like everybody else, but he was also a big mess. He didn’t eat, sleep or function without feeling like a zombie; he was getting better after the war, yet he wondered if a tragedy needed to happen to resort to old habits, or perhaps it was something that was part of his nature. 

He was hopeless, in more than one sense.

**Author's Note:**

> To the solangelo shippers, please don't kill me, is just an observation I had since BoO where Will dismissed Nico's trauma (YEP I'm still salty over it, even if it has been 6 years; I can be salty about a lot of things pals) 
> 
> Is Nico being depressed in bed good for his mental health? Pfff of course not, but having somebody trying to make him move out before time is not great either. 
> 
> None of this stuff takes ToN into account, since I haven't read it, just certain parts. 
> 
> I did a lot of projection on this one, but hey how else I'm supposed to write this stuff? I try to not put too much of myself, but eh it may had been 50/50 on that front. 
> 
> I really, really want to do my best in this event, but I had trouble writing, I hope I can do more than this.


End file.
